Eternal Depressed Summer

by Low Horizon

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1.
All I Wanted 02:53
wake up looking forward to falling asleep only make plans two days a week said i’d be there slept till almost three hope you figure out i’m sorry understand all i wanted was a nice life now i can’t do anything i like inside my heart there is a faint light every day it dims every morning hurts a little worse i’m trying to make this worth it hold on to something real i feel it disperse another day i don’t wanna be awake chasing goals i'll never obtain i've stopped responding to my name every conversation is mundane understand all i wanted was a nice life now i can’t find time to even try my heart grows dark my passion subsides every morning hurts a little worse i’m trying to make this work each day is better than the next i’m trying to do my best
2.
No-fi Tape 01:28
played you my no-fi tape you asked if it sounded like this by mistake i said no! it was an intentional aesthetic you smiled and walked away played you my no-fi tape thought if you heard it you’d be amazed guess i was right to be afraid you stood up and walked away so here i am alone in my room my songs distorted from the speakers and here i am missing you listening to tape hiss you thought sounds like shit i saw it in your face the moment you realized my song sucked i wonder if you showed it by mistake i wish i was looking away if only i wasn’t looking that way i wish i was looking away if only i wasn’t looking that way i wish i was looking away
3.
every morning i brush my teeth try to ignore my feelings i need to stop making promises i’ve been doubting my honesty every time i walk through those doors i’m letting myself down every day i feel smaller as i waste a thousand hours i wanna say everything’s okay and not be lying i wanna explain the events of my day and not be bored out of my mind but i guess i should give in admit that i’m nothing maybe to find my ideal self i need to catch up on all the shows take my exit on the way to work maybe next week i won’t make the turn i can ignore the world at a resort keep finding new forms of bored i wanna say everything’s okay and not be lying i wanna explain the events of my day and not be bored out of my mind i wanna say everything’s okay and not be lying i wanna explain the events of my day and not be bored out of my mind
4.
Expectations 05:30
you seemed better after a long night of drinking when my face was numb and my ears weren’t ringing now i’m half up at eight a.m. wishing you weren’t in my bed you could be perfect if you were someone else but you’re still her and you’ll never be more you should see me when i’m alone i bet afterwards you’d leave me alone i can’t help but to smile fucking up has always been my style you roll on me say lets get some breakfast but i’m tired i’m drunk i don’t wanna do all this stuff i’d invite you on a date but i don’t have six months to waste i can’t enjoy what i have now expectations always let me down your smile will fade but today it’s amazing something worth seeing like bluebonnet season oooh oooh oooh
5.
spent june somewhere between on time and late not talking to friends cause i’ll only complain wasted july between high and sleep deprived trying to forget my life i miss my youth, i miss when kissing was cool playing video games till dawn- now i’m barely holding on bored by nine-thirty on monday i find my friends at the bottom of a bender (we’re waiting in line) remember love? remember when summer was fun? now I can’t tell if it’s begun remember pain was fleeting as a summer crush now let me know when it’s done the sun in the sky but my world is never bright lately i’ve stopped going outside i remind myself that earth isn’t constantly overcast i remind myself it can’t be night forever (to mixed results) give me something i’m not used to; i want mud on my shoes can’t always be satisfied, at least i tried thought i turned my life around but everything looks brighter in a burning house remember love? remember when summer was fun? now I can’t tell if it’s begun and one day this pain will seem silly as a summer crush just let me know when that time comes ohh ohh oh
6.
i’ve been saving time for funerals pretending my life is beautiful i’ve been getting high a lot, getting lost between parking lots the same pain in new places, i’ve been wasting my vacations i’ve been sleeping in to get used to death running away from things i can’t forget if i can’t be happy please distract me from making memories of what’s been happening i wanna stand in the rain till everything fades however long it takes oooh i’ll wait i wanna stand in the rain till everything fades however long it takes to float away dead dogs and vacant lots, almost said sorry but i forgot does this card express my thoughts? probably not probably not i keep waiting to snap but now i doubt it’ll ever happen maybe it can get worse forever and i’ll feel worse forever i wanna stand in the rain till everything fades however long it takes oooh i’ll wait i wanna stand in the rain till everything fades but i won’t do that cause my clothes will get wet
7.
take it slow, pay the bills don’t show up, wait until the party’s over and i’m asleep in front of my tv it’s late i’m boring life can wait you assure me there’s a house i can’t afford so happiness gets ignored but there’s a smoke in the breeze it’s getting harder to see there’s a smoke in the breeze please don’t burn down with me starting tomorrow i'm getting my life back on track or maybe the next day but it won't be later than that, come on!!!!! has my life been intentionally left blank every thought i have is increasingly fake i’m alone on a platform waiting for a train surrounded by people i don’t know or hate there’s a smoke in the breeze every house is going for cheap there’s a smoke in the breeze please don’t burn down before i leave starting tomorrow i'm getting my life back on track or maybe the next day but it won't be later than that, YEAH starting tomorrow i'm done putting up with this crap or maybe the next day but it won't take longer than that oh no
8.
On My Couch 01:55
lines on the pavement beg “this is how you escape” so i pack my bag for a trip i won’t take i’m on a quest to a cold hospital bed so i close the blinds turn off the lights and fall in love with nothing oh i wanna go out but i’m so spaced out oh i gotta figure this out but i’m too busy dreaming on my couch tried to wait for the sun but i fell asleep thought maybe the sunrise would make me complete but i woke up at twelve thirty my stomach’s hurting nothing wrong with calling quits when you feel useless so let’s go to brunch pretend our lives don’t suck woke up hungover fell asleep drunk guess this is what passes for fun oh i wanna go out but i’m so burnt out oh i gotta figure this out but i’m too busy sleeping on my couch wake up early i’ve already had enough keep looking for that penny lucky side up
9.
Keep 02:18
why do i bother waking up when my life is running out and the clock keeps spinning spinning why do i bother with love when my life is not a fucking romantic movie why do i bother sleeping when my dreaming wakes me up i grasp my pillow tightly it’s soft and cold like you i will always be in love with someone who doesn’t want to be with me i will always love you even if you never dream about me i sit and watch a movie it costs more than i’ll ever see i sit and listen to music better than anything i’ll ever make but i keep on living and i keep dreaming i will never be in love with someone who needs to be with me but i’ll always love you even if you forget about me ba ba ba na bah dah
10.
Fading 01:38
lose another breath inhale a new friend’s cigarette you look like an actress in your short white dress coked up at the bar same as last weekend when i get home tonight will you feel satisfied or high and lonely it’s been a bit of time since i felt happy with the sight of my mess in the mirror i count my time in weeks watch my memories repeat i’m always in between what i want and what i need it takes all night to fall asleep when i wake up from bad dreams will i change anything or keep fading
11.
we gotta die sometime but it won’t happen tonight gliding through the city with dilated eyes hide under trees feel the summer breeze already almost morning but i don’t think i can sleep i don't wanna say goodbye till i've had my share of these summer nights so i wander into the skyline to hide under neon lights sway slowly as flags at half mast while we wait for this to crash ask where we are almost throw up on the asphalt should be sleeping but at least we are dreaming everytime i do this i wake up feeling like shit but don't worry about the future cause you’ll forget about today i don't wanna say goodbye till i've had my share of these summer nights so i wander toward the horizon and a glimpse of red sky sway slowly as flags at half mast while we wait for this to crash you found me in the rain said maybe it’s okay took me to safety kissed me goodnight if i survive the night i can make it through anything if i get to the morning i can have a good life
12.
Shattered 02:02
i want you to know who i am not just see me but understand know my flaws and not be scared of them i want you to hold my hand i want to know the truth know what makes you cry i want you by my side will you judge my past will you like the way i laugh i wonder how i’ll first disappoint you i wonder if you’ll still like me after i want to be something that matters so pick me up, i’m shattered yeah ba badah ba dah bup bup baah bu ba dadah
13.
All I Want 02:06
three weeks since i’ve known your address and you haven’t said you’re bored yet maybe it’s happening, we're falling in love cause i don’t wanna wake up not in your arms i will grow old and you will grow old maybe we won't die alone all i ask love me till you can’t all i ask never take it back your eyes placate the turmoil of a thunderstorm on the horizon we have a long way to go might as well move slow now we’re high staring at waves everything decent fades away everyone visits but no one ever stays well i hope we never leave all i ask love me till you can’t all i ask never take it back all i ask love me till you can’t all i want is to enjoy this while it lasts

about

july 2015-july 2017

i wrote these songs as i descended toward what will hopefully be the nadir of my life. no longer fresh out of college, i returned to my hometown and settled into a routine that i am not particularly proud of. in a way i felt like a superhero without powers; i was aware of my desires and dissatisfactions but unable to maneuver away from my life as society intended.

i grew tired.

of my vain reality. of living for the weekends. of begging for a few more minutes every morning. of barely showing up. of hoping to leave by 6. of racing down 59 to break the monotony. then growing numb to the speed. numb to pain, to joy, to boredom. eventually only fear remained, flickering incessantly as the fluorescent tubes that replaced my sun. but the fear gave me hope. i knew to let it abate was to give up and accept a future worth not much. so i let the fear in and used it to explore my darkest self. the person i surely have the potential to be. this boring, average, wasted shell that so many become. and who knows, i might become that person still. it’s always an option and i constantly remind myself to keep moving the other way. to keep struggling and carrying my weight across this desolate valley. moving only at night, one day i’ll find the ocean.

//john
aug 23, 2017

credits

released May 10, 2019

low horizon is:
john gottlieb
jasmine fuller
david dao
brandon t. “the cane train” cane

eternal depressed summer:
written by - john gottlieb
produced by - low horizon
recorded by - john
mixed by - john
mastered by Matthew J Barnhart at Chicago Mastering Service
album art by - Ryan Gottlieb

individual track credits on those pages

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